A week of nothingness

It has been a week of one hour classes everyday, no tests, no assignments, and total free time.. AND I’M BORED! People around me are complaining about their tests, when their assignments are due.. and here I am complaining I’m bored because I have nothing to study for. Then one of my friend told me that I’m lucky because I have an extra one week to start studying for my finals.. Well, good for me IF AND ONLY IF I have the mood to study.. I have 2 subjects that I know practically NOTHING of.. Yes, four months of lectures, tutorials and assignments but nothing came into my head.. Then, I have to work on my Differential Equations.. and Physical Chemistry… Sob.. I know I should get a head start but oh…. When laziness comes and befriends you, there’s just no saying “BE GONE”. Temptations of just lying on my bed, watching episodes of Heroes Season 2 (freakingly, totally, Uber Awesomeness!) are just soooo hard to resist..

Then there comes the alcoholic in me. She’s calling out like mad… Been awhile since my last drink.. I need one badly.. 

A letter to myself..

I just want to tell you that I love you. There has been many things that I don’t tell you.. and many of them I’m ashamed and disgusted at.. However, all these things I did with a clear mind. I want so much for you to remember me again.. I want so much for you to look at me. To see who I really am.. not that girl who is just there for you every time you need her, not the girl who you take for granted.. I don’t want you to forget me when you have other people around you. I admit I’m not pretty.. I’m not who you thought I was.. But after all those times, I just got used to all the lies. I built my life around the lies I told.. Lies come so easily to me.. It is as if I have a whole new life of lies.. It is as easy as me saying that I just had breakfast this morning.. Lies.. I lie in front of everyone.. I lie to people I just met.. I lie to people I care about.. I lie to my friends.. I lie to my family.. and worse of all.. I lie to you.. Sometimes, the lies seem so real.. Because I want them to be real.. To do things that I never do.. To talk about things that can only happen in dreams.. but help me.. I need to stop lying.. I want you to tell me that it’s okay to tell the truth.. I need you to accept me when I strip myself down to nothingness and stand in front of you.. exposed.. naked.. I need to know I can trust you.. I need you.. Please know I am ugly under all those layers.. Please be prepared for what I’m going to tell you.. Because I’ve waited 19 years to do this. I’ve never met anyone who I can trust my whole heart with.. I need help.. please… help me..